HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
