if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Mom said you looked used
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
