So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
