The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
