College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
