So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
