Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
