pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
