Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
