hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
