You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
