I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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