I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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