K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
