I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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