Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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