is your mom at the bar?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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