Grow some girl-balls and come out already
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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