I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
