During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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