I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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