five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
