just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
