Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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