he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The air taste purple.
Randomize
