Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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