I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Your penis caused this!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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