We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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