I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
