OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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