How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
