hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
