recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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