I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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