Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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