A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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