My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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