I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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