using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
