i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
