have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
