found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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