If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
