Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he shaved USA in his pubs
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
