A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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