I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My cat gives me a boner
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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