saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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