I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
