Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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