I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
