one two three fourrrrnication!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
