This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
