i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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