I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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