why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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