So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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