he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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