in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
now i know why i became what i already was.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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