He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
