Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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