I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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