i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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