just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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