It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
should my penis look like a turkey
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
