Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
