Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
