her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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