I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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